"To bring one's self to a frame of mind and to the proper energy to accomplish things that require plain hard work continuously is the one big battle that everyone has. When this battle is won for all time, then everything is easy." - Thomas A. Buckner
Well, been feeling better after getting my feelings out in the open. Now i can REALLY concentrate on exams...well except now i need to CONCENTRATE!!! I guess bracing for impact does help soften the blow. Though it doesn't necessarily go away. U linger around wondering if you'll bump into her or not...but not wanting to at the same time...
I've come to a conclusion. Girls are blind. Coz they don't see me. Muahahahah!!! Jus kidding. =) (Wani's gonna kill me)
Erm...hmmm...blogging in Matheson ain't so easy since there's just too many people around. But oh well, since i'm here alread, let's try anyways. Funny characters around...especially the local indians. No offense and am not being racist here (and if i offend anyone...thousand apologies) but i mean...these guys just are sooooooo like wanna be american tv characters. So EXTRA!! They try to be more aussie than the aussies! What the hell..... Plus never try and study around a bunch of them...much less a few bunches of them. They'll never SHUT UP!!! But am gonna try anyways.
Been meaning to post this song up. It's "Sucker" by John Mayer. Love the lyrics....applies to me....need i say more? Would put the song up too...but can't be bothered...maybe i would...have my accoustic/tap-feet music list on.
Sucker by: John Mayer
Sometimes I wish that I was the weather You'd bring me up in conversation forever And when it rained I'd be the talk of the day
Sometimes I wish that I was a cold beer I'd rest assured that you would hold me near you I'd be guaranteed to be just what you need
And there could be no other way Cause you're so vain Your tired words are all the same I would surely walk away If I wasn't such a sucker for you
Sometimes I wish that I was a bong hit You'd let me in and love every minute And tell the room The things I did to you
And there could be no other way Cause you're so vain Your tired words are all the same I would surely walk away If I wasn't such a sucker for you
I see your worried rosy colored glasses on What a right would I see wrong I could never have that power over you
Someday I'm gonna pack up and leave this town I'm gonna get my own place going on And when I do I'll forget about how You're so lame Your tired words are all the same I would walk away If I wasn't such a sucker for you
Why do I just blog about either interesting stuff or depressing stuff. Why not happier things that happen regularly? Happy things we discount - unhappy things we hang on to like it means the world to us. But oh well...
Feeling lost right now (like the title). Seriously lost. What with reading Ren's blog and with my current predicament, I'm currently in the "why do i exist?" mentality. Erm...i dunno if you can relate to that...but yeah...
I wrote a song to tell her. I think i'll send it to her tonight, if i have the chance...or if she would even accept it. Aihz.. This is probably gonna spoil the friendship....and i hope it does not. At the very least, it's gonna be awkward...not that it isn't already. But oh well, i don't really expect anything out of this. I just wanna "vent" to her about it. She did offer to listen once....hahahz...didn't tell her about it then coz i didn't wanna kill it. But if i don't say it now...i'm gonna have huge problems during the exam period. I just hope doing this will get it out of my system.
Thinking about it is not gonna help it at all. Just hope something happens. Something good.
I am going crazy... I can't focus!! I don't know why!! I need to talk to someone...just talk...about anything and everything... I'm a social animal, that i am.
This assignment is driving me CRAZY!! Why are they not understanding wat it is they are doing????? WTF?? Why do i have to do all the corrections??!!! Am i the only sane one in all of my group assignments?? I KNOW i am a lazy bastard but at LEAST i know what's going on. Apparently, there's a whole bunch of stupid people in this world. I'm starting to wonder if i'm part of that massive population...hmmm. But it can be arguable that since i am able to spot one from the other, i should belong to the ones with brains? But then again, it takes one to know one....
Since EVERYONE is having exams i can only rely on my STUPID blog (sorry bloggy...just frustrated...don't take offense and hang on me k?) to type away! Not as good as talk away but oh wells...one has to deal with such situations.
Looking out the window in the Hargrave lower ground study area. Makes me wanna just go out and....hmmm...i don't know what i really wanna do. Go crazy i suppose? Now why can't I ( i wanna use the capital I so that i could like exaggerate the point but I is already use as capital in normal situations so it doesn't really work here...erm...catch my tokyo (drift...wakakaka)) have a hot chick like the girl just sitting behind me as a girl friend. Wait...why don't I (again trying to use the capital I to eccentu...you get the point) have a girl friend?? Wani would say, "Why go looking for one? What's the point? Love should come naturally man..." Says the girl who is ALREADY (ah...it works here...) in love with her devoted boy friend.
What's wrong with me????? STOP BEING HOOKED ON RELATIONSHIPS/COMPANIONSHIP!!!
Aihz...that's my new sigh. Aihz. Been using for god knows what reasons... Just realised i sound REALLY despo in this post...but WHO CARES!! As you can see, having fun with capital letters... Maybe i'd put in a nice little poem at the end...just to make it meaningful.
Do the eyes deceive me? Do the ears fool me? Am i the only one that's aware?
Do they not see the colours? Do they not hear the music? Am i the one impaired?
What thoughts are these? What feelings repressed? Standing on the edge of the world...
To make the jump, But avoid the bump, Maybe i'm just too rhetorical?
Thoughts a swirling... Dreams with no meaning... I can make no sense...
No comprehension, And much debilitation, I think i'm already insane!!
hmmm...kinda week form of poem by me. What did you expect from five minutes of word rhymes??
Aihz... I failed this time. Performing for a crowd with not enough prep is not fun at all. Plus my super-interesting-romantic-behind-her-back plan failed....well also because i didn't feel such a need anymore. When i decided to do it, i was kinda love sick and needed to vent...so i thought i'd do it during the performance....wat the hell...tak jadi pun..
Well you'd probably be wondering what the hell am i talking about. I just did a performance for the MUISS Last Bash. The grand plan was to dedicate the final song, which by the way was For You I Will by Teddy Geiger, to the girl who has been dancing in my head recently. I sounded like a good idea 3 days ago coz i doubted that she would turn up. Well, as the story goes, I was not able to do mic test before the performance because the PA came late...aihz~~. And due to that, there was the anxiety attacks for fear of not being able to perform well. At least i wasn't as nervous as i thought i would be...lolz.
So yeah..as i was hanging around and mingling, who did you think popped out of nowhere? Literally the girl in my dreams. Still not gonna say who in case she reads and finds out...though i think she prob has a good idea by now. If she doesn't...she's either in denial or i just suck. I think i dropped enough hints...i'm not a straightforward person when it comes to affection. So there i was, the whole plan poofed up in smoke coz now i'm worrying about her reaction if i did do what i was gonna do (sorry for speaking in such a turn-around way...you guys should noe me by now).
Anyways, started singing and i realised that the sound system REALLY sucks. Worrying about how i sound. Worrying about how the audience was finding it. Worrying about a god damn lot of things....uuurrrghhh. Basically, to me anways (coz apparently to the rest it went pretty alright...probably being nice :D...thanks guys), it was pretty crap. Tried to finish with a bang...but they couldn't hear me....AAAARRRRGGHHHH!!!!!
Oh well, it's over. Another experience to be filed into my "future-reference" cabinet hopefully to be taken out and used in the near future....before it collects dust and i forget all about it.
Been awhile since i wrote a poem. Probably cause it's been awhile since i've been sticken by love again. Urrrghh...it's as if i'm always love sick. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!!!???
Well, dedicated to the girl who has been haunting my every waking thought and dream for the past week or so... A little something i call a 'po-eum'. I'll get you your song soon.... She Dances... by: Me!
On the grass, Among the flowers, She dances...
Sun in her eyes, Breeze in her hair, She dances...
This is an old song by John Mayer. Just been listening to it again recently. Before this i never really paid attention to the lyrics but as i went to search for it, i realised how true it was and it probably happened to everyone in one form or another. Well, it's been happening to me so i decided to let the song do the talking...hahahaz...
My Stupid Mouth by: John Mayer
My stupid mouth Has got me in trouble I said too much again To a date over dinner yesterday And I could see She was offended She said "well anyway..." Just dying for a subject change
Oh, it's another social casualty Score one more for me How could I forget? Mama said "think before speaking" No filter in my head Oh, what's a boy to do I guess he better find one soon
We bit our lips She looked out the window Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker And I could see clearly, An indelible line was drawn Between what was good, what JUST slipped out and what went wrong
Oh, the way she feels about me has changed Thanks for playing, try again. How could I forget? Mama said "think before speaking" No filter in my head Oh, what's a boy to do I guess he better find one
I'm never speaking up again It only hurts me I'd rather be a mystery Than she desert me
Oh I'm never speaking up again Starting now
One more thing Why is it my fault? So maybe I try too hard But it's all because of this desire I just wanna be liked I just wanna be funny Looks like the jokes on me So call me captain backfire
I'm never speaking up again it only hurts me i'd rather be a mystery than she desert me
Been away for quite abit coz din have anything to say....which is not true. I actually had alot of stuff i wanted to share with everyone (whether i knew them or not) but haven't got enough of the motivation to actually log in and type. I know...very lazy of me...but normal larr. You should know me by now....if i can help it, i would rather do nothing...which is not true as well.
Being a contradictory person is very hard. Everyday i must reaffirm myself that i am not a "fan tong" or "sampah masyarakat" or "FaMa Leecher". So sad. But yeah...life goes on. Been the same for the past 21 years of my life. Even my efforts to get rid of this problem is screwing with me....haihz~~. "No discipline" my mum calls it.
Well, enough about my sad personality. I do have dreams you know. My new motto is "FOR COOKAMANGA!!" Thanks Joshua. You reminded me the reason i'm here. Sometimes i just forget why i'm here and i need realistic goals to help me get me on track. If you guys are wondering what COOKAMANGA is, hopefully everyone will know what it is in 3 years time. I'll personally announce it to everyone. Hahahahaz....
Well, just got my webcam from my parents. Yay!! But i din bring it home though...same as my dry cleaned suit. Wakakaka.... Will go pick it up tomorrow larr. Left it in the lounge so should be alright i guess.
Been writing songs again. Just did a colabaration with Ren. Hopefully it turns out well...still in the process of writing. See how it goes larr. Sounds promising anyways. Oh yeah, got this great set of chords i HAVE to write a song for. Omg...well hopefully that turns out well too. Too many half-written songs. Sienz...
Luck with the ladies is just as bad as ever. Hahahhaaz....wondering is it just bad luck or am i attracted to the wrong people? Or maybe it's just me. Been doing some self-evaluation, in any case at all. I guess its time to become the silent, reliable person i've always aspired to be.....so different from who i am now.
Hmmm...enough for now i guess. Won't go in to any specifics at this point. But for now thats pretty much the stuff that's been happening in my life. So dear bloggy, signing off for now.
