Some new stuff...
Ok...some pretty "depressing" writings and poems inspired by the blues and a blardy boring job. Here goes...
My FeelingsWords and thoughts about you...
Constantly in my mind.
Sprouted from where? I don't know...
Just that a storm of emotion fill my heart everytime i think about you (or look at you...)
I know it's sudden yet i can't help but feel this way.
In this love hate torment of mine~~
Loveless RhapsodyClouds a moment passing by
Wondering if the sky would ever cry?
Singing the feelings of my heart
For my eyes can never part
From your face, without lie.
Days of journey from time to time
Help me forget this lonely rhyme
But yet again they reappear
Like the trail of a glistening tear
For that which cannot be mine...
For the Other Times...Sometimes it's hard
Other times you forget
You wait silently for the other times
For the Other Times...
Do we know what we want?
Or do we just feel that way...
Should I be waiting for the other times
Or just go away...?
So time slips by slowly
In a neverending loop
Only to remind and remember
The sometimes...
The tracks and paths lead nowhere but here
To this senseless world of light and dark
Where neither can exist without the other...
So I wait...for the Other Times...
Me, myself and worrying others...
Sorry guys...didn't intend to cause any worries. And yeah, i'll be fine. You know me...i'll always be fine. Till i snap anyways...joking!! joking!! Thanks for listening and caring and yeah...that's REALLY nice and i REALLY appreciate it. *Hugz all around*
Maybe i should stop like putting up how i feel on this blog. I never thought this many people read it but i've been wrong and therefore will start weening my sap stories from this place. Maybe i'll get a diary or something...hmmm. Becoming all girlie all of a sudden. (And now all the feminists out there wanna kill me...)
Well, back to work today. Did quite a bit of shopping yesterday. My god!! The prices were like dirt cheap!!! I bought a JAG jacket for 20!!! Omg.... And i got this cool shirt from Espirit (shirt mind you...not t-shirt) for 20 too!!! Even helped vek do like a mini image change. Got him to fashion parade for me...wakakakkaka!!! Hopefully it helped yeah vek!! =P
Better go check on my laundary. The dryer going crazy...doesn't seem to like dry the clothes properly...dunno why. Should check it one day. Sienz...
Difficult difficult...
Things are so complicated for me right now... Don't really know how to go about things now... All i do is play turtle but i don't think the way i feel is real. It's both confusing and complicated. Sometimes i wish i was more like a insensitive bastard...then i wouldn't feel like this everytime. Someone kick me in the ass to wake me up from this uncalled delusion...
Boxing day tomorrow...hooray~~... At least there's somethings to look forward to. Like spending money...if only i had any. Probably gonna credit my dad or something. Maybe i'll just try and withdraw some cash from the HSBC account...if there's money in it.
I feel like a piece of tissue...
Yes. A tissue. The kleenex types where you wipe your snot on and throw away the moment an opportunity comes by. I don't know if it's because i'm over sensitive or do i give people the impression that i am the type that doesn't mind being used. I know i'm blur and easy to bully...but seriously, i have feelings too. I'm not some punching bag that lets you hit again and again and again you know...
I've come across too many people who like to do that with me. I'm never the nice guy where everyone likes to hang out with and doesn't want to piss off. I'm always the go to guy when you need a favor but it doesn't really matter what how he feels at the end of the day. Maybe it's something everyone goes through and i haven't really asked people about therefore i am "overly feeling it".
Also, people aren't nice to me often. I'm not saying that they're nasty but you know... Like most people are usually friendly, compassionate, understanding, thoughtful, bortherly (sisterly too...come to think of it) but very seldom nice. You might argue like being thoughtful is being nice but there's a distinct difference. It's often "what about Chiang Wey?"..kinda like an afterthought, like it's convenient or lack thereof choice therefore include him too rather than me being one of the main characters sorta?
I guess i am overly thinking it. What with being at work for about 8 hours and a total amount of travelling time of more than 2 hours, your thoughts tend to wander and thus create weird thought patterns...usually over analysing tiny things that shouldn't matter. Then again...maybe i'm not. Yeah sure, i'll be your joker and people who know me well know i would stick a head, limb, organs out to help (figuratively speaking of course...but i guess it really depends on the situation yeah?) but you know, just think of my feelings sometimes yeah?
I couldn't get drunk....
My attempt in getting myself drunk failed miserably... God knows how many shots (a variety of tequila, vodka, whisky) and a ciggie and still i'm sober as hell. Yeah, i threw up like crazy later but you know...i didn't get like "I'm not drunk!! I'm not drunk!!" drunk. And this is all last night...so the fact that i'm actually blogging this at 10.30 in the morn when i went to sleep at 4 last night is testament enough that it didn't work.
Feeling heavy headed and depressed rather than high and drunk i went upstairs and put on snow patrol's run and dumped myself on my bed - i think. Funnily, i don't remember that part of the night. Maybe cause the room is all dark and everything. I WAS sitting on the chair but when i woke up i was on my bed. I think i did jump on the bed after a bit... Well, knocked out for a couple of hours and woke up at 4...just to puke. Showered and cleaned up myself then went back to bed. Next thing was i woke up at BLARDY 8 AM!!! uurrghh....
I guess the bit where you drown your sorrows in alcohol is an old wives tale. It doesn't make you forget, it just eccentuates whatever emotion you are having then. So if you feel sad and depressed...alcohol just makes u feel like shit. If you are happy and joyous...it'll make you high and give you courage but you feel like shit in the end anyways... So the conclusion here kids is that alcohol makes you feel like shit. Wondering how shit feels like everytime it passes through your anus? Drink!!
Man, life sucks....
Been working...that's why..
No updates for a loooong time...cause i have a job!! Been working at this convenience store called IGA for the past week and before that was doing a casual position at this wine bottling factory owned by Olsen Wines. Man...manual labour is tiring...REALLY tiring. In fact, just working is tiring. Hate the part where ur time is not ur own...
Well, i guess that's life ain't it? None of our time is ever completely our own...unless ur like a selfish bastard and couldn't care less about anyone else. If it's not work, it's family and if it's not family, it's friends, church, obligations, bills, taxes, etc... DAMN!! When will we ever be free? Go join the hippy colony...wakakkaka
On another topic...aside from my mundane working complaints (which i have alot and will come to it in time) what the hell goes on in a girl's mind...?? How is it that they phrase their thoughts. Are they seriously able to detached any emotional aspects to the way they think or ask questions? Or am i just reading too much into things? I guess u could say it's the latter...but you know...you never know... =S
More girl problem? Maybe... Something that's making me lose sleep? Sort of... Do i need help? I guess so...just not the type of help all u ppl think i need.
This new problem is more like a love-hate thing i have going on with this other girl...
So cliché... I KNOW!!! Oh well...that's the way the cookie crumbles...everytime. Except this time really is a pain in the ass. I think it's just that i'm lonely...since a damn long time.
But worse still is a friend of mine who's going a through a bad delimma (is that how u spell it?) about whether to finish off his PR application and stay on or go back to malaysia and try and go after this girl he met here in aussie. My advice was for him to not let his emotions rule his thinking or he would definitely regret it later on. But who am i kidding? If it was me...i'd probably do the same. I guess that's where friends (not family... they'd probably piss u off and make u want to do the dumb thing even more) come in. U get support from people who are obviously not tied to you in any other way except through sheer care and concern bonded through the ritual called "friendship" to try and see the light of things. And when it screws up...u can just blame them and move on. Sad....but true...
Oh my god...i think i'm starting to hate my blog. It just makes me spout all this kind of nonsense so everyone else knows how much of a wuss i am. AAARRRGGGHHH!!! But why do i do it then? Maybe i secretly want everyone to take pity on me. Or maybe it's true i am an anttention seeking bastard who wants everyone to know every little bit of embarrassing detail about me and my life and therefore discuss about it just like they do hollywood.
Ah...it's easier to type now, with the long finger nails gone. Just cut them.
Anyhoo...Working is a pain in da butt. Been posted to the liquor section in IGA and therefore i man the cashier, floor and fridge. Apparently i'm supposed to know everything...been trained for everything. Probably saw the potential in me (hehehehehhe) to become a good convenience store employee (hehehhe..what??!!) I could almost die in that damn fridge...shites!! Anyone of those slabs of beer/mixes/lager/etc.. fall on my head and it's "goodbye malaysia's thorn among the rose..may you ever...". Ah, can't be bothered talking about it. Ask me if u wanna noe more. Won't be blogging it though.
Well...i guess this is another post in my screwed up blog. Hope you have fun knowing a little more about me today...
